My friend Jason called the other night. I kinda got out of line with him because he's a ninja, whereas I'm a pirate. I could hear his eyebrows raise through the phone after I called him a wench or a slut or something. "Watch out, chica. My pimp hand is gettin' ready."

I was too busy listening to his eyebrows to hear what he said, so my brain interpreted that as "Pimp panda's gettin' ready." I tell you this because I am here and now laying claim to that phrase, which will definitely be used as a lyric in the near future. You know, whenever my fake band, Ukeleles and Doobs, gets together to practice our rad music.

And yes, my stage name might possibly be "Running Deer."