To the person who ate all but one-eighth of the last donut and left the remains in a giant donut box in the staff break room:

Either eat the whole damn donut or step away from the break room, fatty. That is the single rudest thing you could ever do. I phoned Emily Post in the afterlife just to confirm that fact (not that you even know who she is), and she promised to start working on a new level of Hell just for you, complete with infinite mirages of whole, gourmet donuts which you can neither eat nor maim.

Peace, hugs, and kittens,
Rachelskirts