When I am queen, I will drive some sort of fancy automobile that will shout back at crazy ladies who yell "SLOW DOWN!" while waving their arms frantically in the middle of the street.

What will it shout?

1. Rachel is driving the speed limit, you loon!
2. Standing in the middle of the street is a really dumb way to send any message other than "hit me!"
3. Yelling at strangers is a really dumb way to send any message other than "I am a loon!"

This lovely ride of mine will obviously find a concise and witty way to say that, too, so I don't sound quite so much like a scolded child throwing a tantrum.

Man, the future is going to be great.

The rest of the office is enjoying a lunch break. I'm too cold to move. I have a string of white Christmas lights on my lap entirely for the warmth, but that does little to bring feeling back to my fingertips. Save me, Han.

Stay away from drugs, kids, or you'll end up putting things on your bucket list that you really, truly do not want to do. Like eating pickled pigs' feet or climbing Mt. Everest or knitting a sweater. However, doing all those things at once might make for an interesting goal.