To the person who ate all but one-eighth of the last donut and left the remains in a giant donut box in the staff break room:

Either eat the whole damn donut or step away from the break room, fatty. That is the single rudest thing you could ever do. I phoned Emily Post in the afterlife just to confirm that fact (not that you even know who she is), and she promised to start working on a new level of Hell just for you, complete with infinite mirages of whole, gourmet donuts which you can neither eat nor maim.

Peace, hugs, and kittens,
Rachelskirts

The title of this blog entry is stolen from a t-shirt that I dug out of the back of my closet today. My friend Danielpants (the very same one who dubbed me Rachelskirts many moons ago) gave it to me in May, but I really didn't appreciate just how perfect it was until this evening, as I was prancing around in my underwear trying to find something to wear for day three of the 30 Day Shred.

I couldn't find any clean t-shirts because I haven't done laundry in decades. The light to my closet was also broken, so whatever was clean got stolen by the lonely closet monster, Elliot Frankenpants. My bedroom was freezing cold, and I was in no mood to fix the light because I already spent three hours today helping the copier repair man fix the copier at the office. On my day off. Because my office computer was broken anyway. And I woke up late.

So just as I was running out of obscenities to whisper into the darkness of my frigid closet, I found this shirt and laughed myself back into a good mood. Yes, today was a prime day to end all of my tweets with #stabstabstab, but my hair did look great, and I managed to shave my legs IN NOVEMBER. Also, I haven't yet failed on my 30 Day Shred challenge or my NaBloPoMo challenge. I get to hang out with gRegor and Suzi this weekend. My fingers and toes are all present and accounted for, my bank account is not empty, my cat is still alive, and I LIKE CEREAL.

There you have it. I have great friends and great shirts and great closet monsters and a great life. You?

Ferocious, meow meow, HELLO, SUNSHINE!

Those are the words I left in WriteMonkey on my personal desktop as a fullscreen reminder to myself to BLOG, BLOG, BLOG when I got home. "Rachelskirts? Blogging two days in a row? What black magic is this?" you might ask. It's NaBloPoMo, which is not so much magic as it is a curse. (Of course, if you really like reading blogs in November, I suppose it would be pretty magical.)

Point is, I'm participating in NaBloPoMo again this year, and I have teeny tiny hopes that I might actually make it all the way through this time. I have also chosen November 1 as the day I start the 30 Day Shred and November 6 as the day I participate in my very first 5K (walking, not running). Also also, I am re-reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project and am trying to tackle the first challenge—energy—by going to bed early.

This seems like a really bizarre time of the year to take on all these projects (did I mention that I'm also knitting a scarf for my Grandma? for Thanksgiving? and that my lack of talent for this craft has already made me cry?), and normally I'd blame this lapse in sanity on the end-of-October sugar rush. But shock of all shocks, I didn't eat a single piece of Halloween candy this year. GAH. Anyway, I'm not really looking at this as the start of any long-term changes in my life. Instead, I'm taking my New Year's resolutions for a test-drive before I fully commit in January, the proper month to change one's life for the better.

In conclusion, I would very much welcome ice packs, kittens, or encouraging postcards this month. What will I offer you in return? Mediocre blog posts and/or pictures of my cat.*

*If that doesn't float your boat, leave a comment with a [tasteful] suggestion of what else I could give you in return for your kindness this month.