Internet, I have something tasty and drunk for you, and her name is Hannah "Harto" Hart.

What, you've already seen My Drunk Kitchen? Every episode? Even the newish one about tacos? I don't believe you.

As I was saying, Harto is some precious gold, recently discovered in the mines of YouTube. Her haircut is eerily similar to my own, and she has as much success in the kitchen while completely plastered as I do while completely sober. (Truth: my fingers tried to type "slowber" there.)

Favorite quotes. In bullets. Because that is what blogging is all about, munchkins.

• "The first thing you should do is . . . not be drunk while you're cooking. Just saying. Safety advisory. Maybe you should've gotten a burrito."
• "And then you add . . . fire."
• "It's important to remember when you're cooking to use food."
• "Is there cheese sauce on me? That's a good line to pick somebody up."
• "Here's some more advice. Take a nap!"
• "Mmk, cheese is trapped. So you can't have cheese."
• "Download a cookie recipe off Kazaa."
• "At this point in the process, I can only assume it was a typo, and they meant to say 'cram.'"
• "Okay, so I don't have a cookie pan, but I have this . . . this . . . kind of pegboard."
• "Why do so many grandmas insist they have perfect meatball recipes?"
• "Brunch people whine about problems that aren't actually problems. So let's do a little bit of that!"
• "If you have a dream, you should have it in your heart face."
• "I bet I can out-crawl-under-tiny-spaces you."
• "This cheese is great, Ted!"
• "The taco is the most versatile fruit."

And as a bonus, I'm including an episode guide!

• Episode one: the one without the cheese.
• Episode two: the cheese is in London.
• Episode three: cheese is trapped!
• Episode four: cookies! (and some extra swearing!) (and extra funny!) (and the first episode I saw!)
• Episode five: Mario!
• Episode six: brunch!
• Episode seven: tacos!

I recommend starting with episodes three, four, and seven. You're welcome.

Moments after I finished writing yesterday's post, I realized that June could quite easily tie with May as favorite month of 2011 so far. "Um. Why is June going to be awesomer than Club*? 'Cause I mean Club. Right? Right?!" Well, Pimp and anyone else who asked that question, not awesomer. Equal amounts of awesome.

Obviously, the only thing that could possibly rank side-by-side with Club, Doctor Who, and an extra large helping of inside jokes is—drumroll please!—Lord of the Rings!

I realize that I just wrote about Lord of the Rings stuff like ten seconds ago, but there is more! This is the best year for Lord of the Rings fans since last year!

• Fathom Events is hosting a three-week marathon of the extended editions of the Lord of the Rings movies in theaters across America. Watch The Fellowship of the Ring on June 14, The Two Towers on June 21, and The Return of the King on June 28.
• The extended editions of the movies are also available on Blu-ray! Well, almost. Pre-order them from Warner Bros., or spend all of July crying because you didn't.
• If you live in the Chicago-ish area, then you should already know about Ravinia. This summer's concert line-up was already going to be amazing, but then I saw something that took my breath away. The Chicago Symphony Orchestra is playing the soundtrack to The Fellowship of the Ring. Live. While the movie plays on screens throughout the lawn area and in the pavilion. Can you imagine? I am already jittery. JITTERY. I will probably be bouncing up and down for the entire show. (Sorry, family members who are going to be stuck sitting with me!) This isn't happening until August, but you should know about it now.

So there you have it. June is going to be amazing. Unsubscribe now if you don't want to read about my adventures on Cloud Nine or if pictures of me salivating over Elijah Wood make you uncomfortable.

*I feel like I explain "Club" a lot, but I also feel like I don't explain it enough. Basically, while I was in school in Texas, I met the best boys I've ever met, and they all lived on a dorm floor called Club. My loyalty to these Clubbers is fierce, and I will love them forever. The end!

Who's up for a bulleted list of my favorite moments from May? Just the one guy with the mustard stain on his shirt? High-five.

• Witnessing a heated a debate among friends about calculators. "Get a real calculator." "It does fractions!"
• Imagining Cooley tumbling out of bed every morning and exclaiming, "Tadaaaaaaa!" to any onlookers.
• Pimp showing up to the party with Jones soda and Munchkin.
• Freeze pops. Even the piña colada flavored ones. Especially those ones?
• Everything about Portal 2.
• Everything about having a Steam account and suddenly being able to talk to people about games again.
• Doctor Who.
• Doctor Who.
• No really, Doctor Who has become an official obsession. I love it. I love that I can talk to my favorite people about it. Love, love, love.
• Favorite people! I saw so many of them this month!
• "Earmuffse are cool."
• Signing up for a book club of sorts, organized by Ashley.
• Receiving two great books from Pimp and finding more friends on Goodreads and borrowing a book from gRegor and blah blah literacy!
• Laughing about that "Tadaaaaaaa!" thing for thirty minutes straight (sorry, throat and lungs!) after eating too many freeze pops (sorry, tummy!) one night.

June, you have a tough act to follow. Except when it comes to weather. Let's see some sunshine!