There are two types of sounds that make me unreasonably irritable in a matter of seconds:

1. Noises made by people who are eating food or drinking beverages. Slurping, licking, sipping, crunching, masticating, grinding, etc. Take your celery sticks and carrots and potato chips and chewing gum and your whole pantry to another zip code before I knife you.
2. The sound of cats or dogs cleaning themselves with their tongues. Does Etsy sell showers for kittens yet?

As has been mentioned a few times already, I am going to be participating in VEDA: Vlog Every Day in August. This means that my YouTube channel will actually serve a purpose other than being a virtual shelf for those three videos of me sliding around on bean bags with Jenna. [Moment of silence in honor of that blessed faceplant.] This means that I will be even more self-absorbed than usual. This means that you will see a lot of my face and hear a lot of my voice and see a lot of my bedroom wall.

But more importantly, this means that we have a new way to interact with one another. Three of the four people still reading this on a regular basis know me in real life, so that isn't super exciting for them. For @ctmagnus, though, this is his best chance to see me eat a Milano cookie. Yeah!

However, I am still a wee bit terrified of vlogging. Something about talking aimlessly in front of a camera makes me nervous, so I'd like y'all to help me out. Step one: keep reading.

The scheduled topics for the first week (as decided on by the powers that be) are as follows:

• 08.01: Introduce yourself and tell us why you decided to participate in VEDA.
• 08.02: What's your B-HAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)?
• 08.03: What's one trend you can't believe you wore? What's a trend you hope will come back?
• 08.04: What's something you're insecure about?
• 08.05: What is your relationship to technology? Is it healthy?
• 08.06: Get dressed up and vlog. Vlog before you go out on the town (or stay in and talk to people on the internet).

Step two: having read that list, can you think of any related questions you'd like me to answer or things you'd like me to ramble about or hair tutorials you'd like me to just kidding. But really, this will be way more fun for all of us if I have some questions to answer or plates to spin on my nose. Holler at me (pfft) in the comments, via email, on Twitter, or with your own YouTube video in response to any of my upcoming "episodes."

Step three: subscribe and promise to leave nice comments with mostly accurate English sentences! One of the scariest parts of this endeavor for me is that it takes place on YouTube, not Vimeo. We've all read YouTube comments at least once. They are illiterate clumps of vindictive keystrokes all tied up with string, and I would imagine they are exactly what drove that guy to insist that the rapture was imminent. Nobody wants to stick around on this planet after reading a YouTube comment.

Step four: nope. I don't have any more steps. Although, if you're very nice to me during this vlogging experiment, I might reward you with some sweet giveaways. (Autographed 8"x10" glossy of Juan Pedro, anyone? The Lord of the Rings trilogy on Blu-ray? An empty Freeze Pop wrapper?)

Step five: buckle up, kids. This ride is about to get hella bumpy.

Tonight, my brother and I went to see Tekken: Blood Vengeance in 3D, a one-night-only event in theaters across the country. Only twelve other people were in the audience. My real review of the movie requires flailing of my arms to express just how bad the plot was, so I'll save that for a vlog post, but the summary would go something like this: SO BAD. SO GOOD. Two thumbs up.

Shortly after we got home, Adam posted a link to my Facebook wall (not the one you know about! sorry! privacy!) that was titled "The 8 Worst Types of Blog on the Internet." I clicked through to the article, read it, and came back to say something quippy about the post. A conversation ensued in the Facebook comments that perfectly sums up everything I love about my relationship with my brother and everything I will miss about him should he choose to stay in L.A. after his six-week internship at the end of the summer.

Me: I'm relieved to find that I don't fall into any of those categories.

[In the one hour between that post and the next one, I managed to watch like twelve YouTube videos and sign up for VEDA. I need a babysitter.]

Me: I'm amused that they felt the need to add the qualifier "on the internet" to the title. Where else do you find blogs?
Adam: There's probably a diary stuck in Shelob's lair somewhere that technically qualifies as a "weblog".
Me: I raised you so well.
Me: Except for the part where you keep putting periods outside of quotation marks.
Adam: "."
Me: That looks like a startled LEGO head.
Adam: That also doubles as my "grammar apology face."
Me: It also looks like C-3PO, who is almost always startled, now that I think about it.
Adam: It seems I may have rubbed off on you a bit, too. :)
Me: We're the same person now, which explains all the "liking" going on in this thread. The main difference is that I want to marry Elijah Wood, and you want to marry your LEGOs.
Adam: My *Star Wars* LEGOs, to be specific.
Me: DID YOU HEAR ME LAUGH AT THAT THROUGH YOUR BEDROOM WALL? THIS IS MAYBE GETTING WEIRD.
Adam: NO. MY BASEBALL IS TOO LOUD. AND IT'S ALWAYS BEEN WEIRD. THAT IS WHY WE CONTINUE.
Me: I THOUGHT IT WAS TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE JEALOUS.
Adam: THAT IS A FANTABULOUS PERK. DO YOU HEAR THAT WORLD?! NONE FOR YOU!! I WISH I COULD TYPE IN "MORE CAPITALER" LETTERS.
Me: FIN.
Adam: ROLL CREDITS.
Me: Is this where we list the names of all the people in our fan club? Because man, that could go on for a few hours.
Adam: Pfffff. They know who they are.
Adam: They're philosophically secure like that.
Me: I don't know if I feel comfortable snubbing a tradition put in place by Peter Jackson.
Me: Then again, The Hobbit being filmed in 3D makes me rethink his sanity.
Adam: Maybe just list the top 5 in your fan club, then. As a compromise.
Adam: I may have to count Jesus, though, to make it to 5.
Me: Did you get the dog already? I think he likes you sometimes.
Adam: The dog, Jesus, Mom, Dad, and the people who make Cheetos Puffs 'cause MAN am I making them rich.
Me: The cat, the family, the people who know my real last name, that guy who stalked me at Office Depot, and the people of the internet.
Adam: WE REALLY ARE COOL, AREN'T WE?
Me: *pops on 3D glasses* YOU KNOW IT.