The 2013 Skirts Awards
Best nickname given: Baby Beluga
Best nickname received: Ray Ray
Best Twitter names squatted: @GrammarSauron and @drumploop
Best song for getting stuck in my head: "Wrecking Ball," by Miley Cyrus (in spite of the fact that I only know 2% of the lyrics)
Best album that I'm surprised to own: The Great Gatsby soundtrack
Best concert: CSO at Ravinia, playing the soundtrack along with the second Lord of the Rings movie, The Two Towers
Best TV shows: Doctor Who and White Collar
Best TV show characters: Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl and Handles from Doctor Who
Best worst movie: Pacific Rim
Best movie that I haven't seen yet: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Best movie character: Mike Wazowski as a youngster in Monsters University
Best video game played: LEGO The Lord of the Rings (iOS)
Best video games watched: Dragon Age 1 & 2 (PS3)
Best video game I haven't watched yet but desperately want to: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag (PS3)
Best video game reference within another video game: The Assassin's Creed reference in LEGO The Lord of the Rings was absolutely beautiful—the perfect marriage.
Best book I couldn't put down: The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand
Best book I couldn't finish for book club: All of them? (I am a book club failure.)
Best podcast that makes me want to be a better person (and read more comics): Back to Work
Best podcast that makes me laugh until I cry or drool: My Brother, My Brother and Me (warning: there is definitely adult content and a lot of cussing in this podcast; it is not safe to listen to this at work or home or anywhere)
Best podcast that hasn't actually come out yet: Return to Story Mountain
Best quote: "Cat hair is lonely people glitter." —Chris Glass
Best quote that turned into a meme: "Google it, Michelle." — Rachelskirts
Best previous edition of the Skirts Awards: 2011
All Shall Love Me and Despair (Again*)
A few weeks ago, my dear friend, Tyler Fontaine, unwittingly helped me write the most accurate description of myself (as I picture myself in my own head). I would rewrite this text message conversation as my Internet bio, but I much prefer luring people in with sock monkeys and cinnamon rolls and hobbits before I reveal my true colors.
Rachelskirts: I am over-socialized. I am annoyed by one person in particular. I might also be PMS-ing. It's a very terrible but also very apathetic mood.
Tyler: Yikes. It's a perfect storm.
R: It's a fucking nightmare. That scene where Galadriel gets all scary? That's me always. But definitely moreso today than most days.
T: Does somebody have a case of the power lusts?
R: This cannot be news to you.
T: It isn't. I actually assume you're slightly green and deep voiced about 75% of the time.
R: And then gracefully shuffling between one tree and another the other 25% of the time?
T: Yes.
R: Except replace "tree" with "Internet device."
T: And replace "gracefully" with "shoutfully."
*You already loved me and despaired back in 2008. I'm honestly surprised that's the only other time I've tried to use that quote as a title for a blog post. You can be damn sure I'll be using it as the title of my autobiography, though.
Free Advice: Writing a Book on Productivity
Dear helpful author people,
So you're writing a book on productivity, and you decide that you want the reader to make a list—goals for the year, biggest tasks that haven't been completed, top ten regrets, etc. You plan to use that list somehow to teach the reader a pertinent and relevant lesson, and hey wow, that is totally okay with me. I like participating, and I like learning. That is, in fact, why I buy books about productivity. For the love of all things holy, then, please do not make the very next sentence, "Now throw that list away." If anything in the world makes me feel the opposite of productive, it is doing a thing that I then must immediately undo.
Stop including that one horrible thing, and your life as a writer will be totally great and successful and rain down money all day and all night. I promise.
Hugs and kittens,
Rachelskirts