The 2014 Skirts Awards
Best nickname given: Prickly Bear
Best nickname received: Miss Mordor
Best Twitter name squatted while tipsy: @hiccupskirts
Best city visited: Las Vegas
Best grave visited: Daniel Burnham's
Best place that I nearly ran away to but didn't: Napa
Best song for making me laugh at the office: "Christmastime Is Here" cover by Jars of Clay, just the first five seconds; I don't know why
Best song for secret office sing-alongs with Young Coworker: "She Will Be Loved," by Maroon 5
Best album I kept on repeat: PTX, Vol. III, by Pentatonix
Best TV show: Downton Abbey
Best Netflix marathon: The first ten seasons of Top Gear UK
Best movie for vanquishing of foes: Godzilla
Best food delivered to my house: Grilled cheese sandwich
Best food dropped on the sidewalk: Ribs (at Rib Fest)
Best alcoholic chocolate shake: Somewhere in Vegas
Best friend for writing spontaneous musicals: Tyler
Best friend for sharing emoji-only inside jokes: Tyler
Best friend for all-caps text message shouting: Tyler
Best video game I spent way too much money on: Word Monsters (iOS)
Best video games watched: The entire Mass Effect series
Best crushworthy video game character: James from Mass Effect 3
Best books read: The Red Mars trilogy
Best quote from awful book: ". . . the chickens blew into the sea."
Best book club joined: 📘📘💣 with Tyler; only haters allowed
Best podcast I've been binge-consuming since April: Roderick on the Line
Best collection of pickle puns in a podcast: Episode 225, MBMBaM (NSFW, language and such)
Best podcast I failed to make again: Men with Skirts
Best kiss: Unexpected and at the Signature Lounge
Best misunderstanding the day after the best kiss: "I regret everything," followed by me choking on a gasp
Best fake engagement: Coming back from Vegas wearing a ring (sorry, coworkers)
Best real boyfriend: Prickly Bear
Best previous editions of Skirts Awards: 2013, 2011
Fizzling Out
Tomorrow, I will compile the 2014 Skirts Awards and share my favorite books, movies, podcasts, TV shows, nicknames, quotes, inside jokes, and other useless trivia. It will be festive and fun and lovely. I will have all sorts of energy and maybe even shower and wear real clothes.
Tonight, though, I will sit in my pajamas and eat pizza and listen to podcasts. When I have finished with that, I will read books and listen to Chopin. Then I will watch a movie with my family right up until midnight, when we will tune in to the local ABC 7 News anchors, who are always smashed and always kiss a little too much at midnight and always make everyone really uncomfortable. We will toast with sparkling white grape juice and watch the Chicago fireworks on TV and then immediately head to bed. It's a wonderful way to kick off the new year, and I really can't wait to see what the rest of 2015 brings.
Much love to all of you beloved Internet friends, and happy new year!
I'm Sorry, Boo
I heard a story about a friend of a friend of a friend, a story that he and his wife are fans of The Lord of the Rings and talk about it so frequently that they use acronyms for the sake of efficiency. The example that was shared with me: "Lodder-roddick," which is how they pronounce LOTR: ROTK.
Say it out loud without shuddering. I dare you.
But it gets worse.
(Of course, I share this tale with all due respect, and if I ever get the chance, I intend to take these people out for a cup of hot chocolate and some grilled cheese sandwiches.)
The friend who told me about this beautiful and awful thing didn't know what the couple called the other two films. So naturally, we brainstormed for a while and came up with "Lodder-fodder" (LOTR: FOTR) and "Lodder-tot" (LOTR: TT), and that is why, if you listen closely tonight, you will be able to hear the ghost of Tolkien sobbing.