Dear Girl at the Mall,

I regret to inform you that you have no butt. This is not an exaggeration. Your four-inch skirt (and man, am I being generous there) never revealed anything but legs when you and your boyfriend swaggered in front of my mother and me, which is absolute proof that you were born without a rear end. I guess that explains why your boyfriend didn't seem all that excited by your trying-so-hard-to-be-sultry ensemble. Too bad. In other news, I'd like to borrow that skirt from you at some point. I think it'd make a fantastic belt.

Yours truly,
Rachelskirts

One of my favorite people on Twitter, Chrissy, wrote today:

My youngest sister just called me to ask my opinion on some adjectives. I love the things I am known for. (Source)

A few months ago, I received a call from my father. He wanted to ask me a question about punctuation. He was in the middle of a meeting at work, and he and his coworkers knew that I would have the answer. I was beaming when I heard that. I love the things I am known for. I need to remind myself of that more often.

I am embarrassed to say that I did not catch the unnecessary apostrophe on this keychain before I bought it. In fact, I bought this in high school and apparently didn't read it until some time in college. No need to fight, folks; there's plenty of irony for everyone.