I signed up for classes at my community college two years ago just to avoid paying student loans, but I never really attended the classes or did the homework. As a result, I have a really nice 0.0 GPA there. No big deal, since I never planned to return. Right?

Wrong.

This whole summer, I've been crawling through shards of my own dignity, begging this school to take me back. I need to get good grades in at least a few classes at community college to prove to my really awesome private school that I'm not a dunce. (I'm just lazy, really!) Apparently, however, I need to meet with a guidance counselor at the community college before registering for classes. Fine. Does this require an appointment? Yes. Fine. When can I stop by? There's an opening in July! But classes start now. The soonest available time slot is in July. Take classes in the Fall!

Screw you guys. I'm going home.

Meanwhile, because I don't want to end up being that stupid American who can't name a single state that starts with the letter N (hello, there are eight of them), I've been letting the internet educate me. This week's addiction? Listing all fifty states in under ten minutes (at ironicsans.com). I memorized how many states start with each letter of the alphabet, so I can now whip out the whole list in NINETY SECONDS.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never ever take your education for granted. The end.