While I was flipping through my journals from this year, I found this great list. These were notes I took at the Dave Brubeck concert I attended this summer. I meant to string them together coherently into an entry one day, but that never happened. Just use your imagination.

• Pablo - popo - police
• Len - Latin - fat homeless alcoholic
• Timmeh
• Sepia benches
• Play louder! Slap the bass!
• Old man butt grab
• Broadway - Brubeck
• Piano solo - Brubeck
• 2008 - 50-year anniversary of Dave's tour behind the Iron curtain; Chopin; "Thank you" in Polish; Benjamin Franklin Award
• Blue Rondo a La Turk
• Everyone running around with wine glasses
• Black shoes, white socks, limp
• Red vests - hot
• Take Five
• Unnecessary dancing
• Cute dancing
• Take the A Train

P.S. If you're ever at Ravinia, take note of the employees wearing red vests (as opposed to the employees wearing the other colors of vests). Are they or are they not the hottest people working there? My brother and I decided that you had to audition to be part of the elite Red Hots club. We did not use that name, though. I made that up just now.

P.P.S. Old man butt grab!

I could just be in a bad mood, but I think the little messages in Dove Promises have started going downhill. Like, I'm pretty sure they aren't even trying anymore. Recent examples:

• "Hey, why not?"
• "Watch reruns, they replay your memories."
• "Smile before you go to bed. You'll sleep better."

I could just be in a bad mood, but I think there is a direct relationship between the amount of competition encouraged in a classroom and the success of the students. Because nobody wants to tell my classmates that they are DOING IT WRONG, this country will one day be run by people who cannot subtract 22 from 28.

I could just be in a bad mood, but I think that bubble wrap doesn't get the appreciation it really should. Do we have a statue in honor of bubble wrap yet? Made of bubble wrap? Was I allowed to vote for bubble wrap as the next president of the United States of America? No. Get off my lawn.

I am probably in a bad mood, but feel free to say something cheery in the comments. Grumpyskirts and her seven dwarves promise not to mock you until Wednesday.

I was at the church all by myself today, which is always super creepy, especially after dark. Walking by windows makes me feel vulnerable, and I expect someone to pop up at any moment and throw his whole body through the glass before stabbing me to death. I hear the tick of a clock down the hallway and immediately assume that the man who is about to stab me to death is timing his footsteps to fall right when the clock ticks, masking the sound. I turn on the folding machine and am unable to hear the sound of footsteps, so I expect to be grabbed from behind and stabbed to death.

Basically, I am always expecting to be stabbed to death. Which is terrifying, in case you were wondering.

So tonight, I noticed that the lights in the women's bathroom were on. These particular lights are motion-sensitive and turn off twenty minutes after any motion has been detected. I had been there much longer than twenty minutes, and I knew I hadn't been in the bathroom. I tiptoed to the doorway and listened carefully. I couldn't hear any noise, aside from the techno album my heart was trying to record at full volume inside my chest cavity.

I freaked out and went back to my office to ponder this. Who could be in there? A mouse? A homeless person? Another workaholic coworker?

Finally, I mustered up the courage to go back, telling myself that it would be fun to kick in the stall doors like they do in the movies. (And yes, actually, it's a lot of fun.) I got to the last stall and found that it was just as empty as the others, which should have brought relief. Instead, it just meant that I spent the rest of the night wondering where my future murderer was hiding.

Anyway, I am now in the comfort of my own home, but I can't shake that feeling that something is lurking in the shadows of my bedroom. Blah blah pretty much I wrote this entry to explain that I, at the age of twenty-three, am so totally sleeping with a light on tonight. Laugh at me if you want, but remember that I will have the power to send Stabber McGee to your bedroom when I am queen.