While watching Lord of the Rings tonight, my brother and I decided that the world would be a better place if it included more of the following things:

• jet packs
• explosions
• dragons
• pirates
• ninjas
• laser guns
• lightsabers
• musical numbers (particularly epic soundtracks)
• walking sticks
• cartoon sound effects
• superpowers
• balrogs in a zoo
• treehouses
• teleporters
• tree villages
• invisibility cloaks
• giant statues
• animatronics (particularly dancing skeletons)
• cape swooshes

Have anything to add to the list? We're just getting started.

I am proud that people came to my site by searching for the following things:

• Amazing things you wouldn't even know
• Don't be sippin' on that haterade
• Elijah Wood
• Elijah Wood 2008
• Elijah Wood October 2008
• Fancy way of saying computer nerd
• How do you get to the levels in DK64
• I love teh interwebz
• James Bond is hot
• Pirate sock monkeys
• Squirrel power
• Sternutation
• True life video my dad is a Star Wars nerd

On the other hand, I am rather disturbed that people were 1) searching for these things and 2) finding them on my site:

• College student too lazy to work out
• I hate Hemingway
• My brother wears my skirts
• Nicknames for pimps
• Plan to keep America illiterate

Oh, internet. If we were friends on Facebook, our relationship would be complicated.

Blonde hair. Greasy, but fashionably so. Messy, but purposefully so. Everything about you was screaming, "I'm trying very hard to look like I'm not trying very hard. Notice me! Don't notice me!"

I noticed you.

I heard you as you walked into the bathroom, shouting into your cell phone, "God, I need some pot!" I waited for you as dozens of other women entered the restroom after you and exited before you. I watched in confusion when you finally emerged thirty minutes later with a woman who must have been twice your age, calling out to her, "I love you, babe!" (She was wearing a dirty baseball cap and rumpled clothes; she appeared to spend her free time rolling in automotive fluids and cigarette butts. She loves you, too.) I flashed you a sad smile when I saw you being escorted by a campus security guard later in the day.

I noticed you, but I think I should have hugged you instead.