A crumb has been sitting beneath the G key on my laptop for three weeks now. For much of that time, I have been annoyed and sometimes even angered by its presence. Today, however, I decided to embrace the situation at hand. I welcomed the crumb to the family, named it Gus Gus, and invited it out for a cup of tea.

And then I cackled and promptly drowned the amiable fool.

Telling someone that she has a distinctive walk is a fabulous way to guarantee that she will never feel as if she is walking normally again.

Friendship bracelets are extremely difficult to put on by oneself, but they fall off like overzealous lemmings or gangrenous appendages. Ingenious metaphor for friendships themselves or crazy coincidence?

Angel food cake without Cool Whip is worthless. See also: pound cake without powdered sugar.

What really makes me happy is basking alone in the afternoon sun with some playful jazz floating softly along with the breeze, lazily stirring through my thoughts as they simmer in my head.

Committing to the fantasy and ignoring the reality is much easier than committing to the reality and ignoring the fantasy.

For future study: Is there a correlation between boys who burp like wusses and boys who are spineless, annoying pansies? Can it truthfully be said that boys who burp well are worthy of love and adoration? Finally, is it possible to teach a boy to burp well?

zomg, diary. What on earth am I going to say to Elijah Wood on Twitter to set me apart from the thousands of insipid, moronic fangirls undoubtedly clamoring for his attention?

ARG. BOYS.

The old saying mentions something about picking friends and something about picking noses. I could easily look up the exact quote, but I'd rather just tell you that I am blessed with some awesome friends who have awesome noses.

Behold! Here sit three boys who drove one thousand miles from Longview, TX, to Skirtsville, IL, to play Mario Kart with me in a park. If that doesn't rock your socks, then I want nothing to do with your friendship or your nose.

A good amount of time was also spent playing Mario Party 7, watching Terminator DVDs and old Disney movies on VHS, burping in each others' faces, and talking about cartoons and dragons. A fourth friend drove out from Ohio to spend the first part of the week with us, which led to bowling and friendship bracelets and the formation of Team Best Friends.

There might have also been drinks at the top of the Hancock Center on St. Patrick's Day, but nobody can say for sure. All I know is that I would probably give up my own nose just to spend time with these boys, who definitely rank among the world's best friends . . . even if they do sometimes wipe their boogers on my sleeve.