On Thursday, I saw a man who was riding a bicycle. He had a parrot riding on his shoulder. My friend rolled down the car window and told the man how much she liked his bird. "Thank you," he replied in Heath Ledger's voice with Heath Ledger's accent. Parrot Man is probably the coolest person we've ever met.

Find yourself in a blogging rut? Try studying! I haven't been able to think about anything but writing a blog entry for two days! I have a telecourse to start and finish within the next week, but the only notes I took during the first set of DVDs (which my super awesome brother, Adam, watched with me) were funny quotes that I wanted to remember to tweet later. Oops! Anyway, I've decided to post them for you here instead. Enjoy!

Quotes from Us:

• Who knew that God wore Transitions lenses?
• Something something Carrot Top's mom. Wait, is Carrot Top two words? I can't believe I just Googled that.
• He sounds like Cleveland from Family Guy! But with a speech impediment.
• Dude, it is like a rabbit's foot exploded from his chin.
• Why do they all have bad beards?

Quotes from Narrators:

• Bacon himself is such a young whippersnapper.
• He stormed and peglegged around.

Words That Didn't Sound Legit But Actually Are:

• Triumphalist.
• Contradistinction.

Congratulations! Now you know as much about U.S. history as I do. Go run for office!

Chase just sent me a new credit card in the mail today, and it has one of those little chips in it that says, "I'm too lazy to actually swipe my card and sign my name. I would like an easier way to bury myself in debt. Perhaps I can just prop my fat rolls against the counter here, so the magic card reader can detect the magic fairy dust in my piece of plastic." All I have to do is half-heartedly hold my card near the reader and wait for some lights to flash. That's it. What does that mean for me? Buying my weight in tacos and cinnamon twists will now require zero effort. Awww yeah. Time to go stimulate that economy.