When I am queen, the following items will be banned from existence:

• One-ply toilet paper
• Pants with words written across the butt
• Cigarettes
• Comic Sans, the font
• Alarm clocks

I know the third one could possibly make me unpopular, but trust me that it's for your own good. If you want to shorten your lifespan and smell like poop, I'll arrange for a meeting with Jack Bauer and his toilet.

When I am queen, it will be illegal to interrupt one person's dream story with your own.

Jimmy: "So I had this wicked dream last night about tofu robots."
Interrupting Cow: "Whoa, that reminds me of my dream! I was getting chased by these four-armed rabbits on turbo-powered crayons..."

The punishment will either be decapitation on even-numbered days or defenestration on odd-numbered days. Just to keep things interesting.

When I am queen, dish soap will taste like chocolate in case, for example, you are in a bit of a rush to rinse out your coffee cup in the morning. "Green apple soap" isn't a key ingredient of any recipe that I know of, but chocolate is almost always a welcome addition.

P.S. Wondering why my posts are backdated at the moment? Wonder no more.

P.P.S. April 23, the date this entry was supposedly written, marked my six-year blogiversary. You'd think that six years of practice would make me closer to perfection that I am, but then again, I really haven't mastered waking up in the morning even with twenty-two years of experience under my belt.