When I first attended the local community college three years ago, I got stuck in an Intro to the Internet class. It was a terrible three-hour torture session every Monday night, and it was easily the worst class I have ever taken in my entire life. Except maybe speech. Or any P.E. class ever.

Point being, I hated it.

By the time Halloween rolled around that semester, I was about ready to transfer to the Intro to Murder class. Instead, I wrote this entry on LiveJournal:

I am sitting in my "Intro to the Internet" class regretting having run over every five-year-old Grim Reaper I passed on the way here. I yearn for death right about now . . .

Tonight's topics include browsers and search engines. So far, we have learned how to save an image from a web site to your computer, how to set your home page on IE, how to clear cookies and history, and how to kill your instructor! I mean that in the most loving of ways, really I do.

Oh goody, now we're adding things to our favorites list. Faaascinating.

Break time! Huzzah! HOLY CRAP! AN OOMPA LOOMPA JUST WALKED INTO THE CLASSROOM OUT OF NOWHERE, AND I REALLY REGRET NOT BUYING A CAMERA PHONE! DANG IT!

Oh man, that totally made my night. Of all things that could save me from death, I should've known it would be either a hobbit, a midget, or an oompa loompa . . .

That will go down in history as my favorite community college experience of all time. (If they start offering the Lord of the Rings / Chronicles of Narnia class again, that will be a different story.)

All this to say, I would like to give mad props to the gentleman seen walking across the parking lot the other day who stole away the #2 spot on my favorite moments list at the godforsaken time of 9:30 a.m. I don't usually find anything pleasant in the morning, but this fellow was wearing a top hat that Abe Lincoln would have envied. Just casually strutting across the parking lot, wearing this top hat, this marvelous foot-tall creation of preposterousness, on his beautiful little head. To class. Like he was born to do it.

In one brief moment, I fell in love with the world all over again.

Kids, go to school. It's good for you. Also, wear more hats. It's good for me.

If the measure of true love was determined by how many times you have sneezed on the other person in addition to the number of times that person has sneezed on you, I would be married to this cat.

My phone only holds so many "extra" words in its predictive text memory bank. I refuse to start cutting out letters from my words or word from my vocabulary, though, so there is a constant battle raging between myself and a little pink thorn in my side called the Motorola L2.

Words I Tried to Type Today :: Suggested Word(s) from Phone:

• whore :: whose, winsf, wins3
• dork :: fork*, empl, ensl
• microeconomics :: microeammonias
• onomatopoeia :: monoctormeha, monoctormega
• Frodo :: Ermem

At least three of those words are used on a regular basis, so it boggles my mind that they keep getting knocked out of the dictionary. In fact, when I even think about sending a message, I should be presented with the option of just using one of these standards: 1) You are a whore. 2) Haha, you dork. 3) I love Frodo.

I guess this is yet another issue that I will need to address when I am queen.

*I finally gave up and just started calling people "forks." It's funny, and it has the added bonus of not bringing to mind the etymology of the word "dork." Plus, once I'm on the subject of silverware, I have the opportunity to talk about sporks, which is always great fun.