"Pythagorean picnicking." That is the subject line of the spam email that has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks now. Every morning, I stare at that message and wonder what I'm doing wrong with my life that I have yet to experience the magic of this mathematical dining experience. I don't know what that type of outing would entail, but it sounds just nerdy enough to be amazing. Either that, or it would be so extremely cheesy that it would be incredible in its own right, much like the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

If you haven't seen that movie yet, you're totally missing out on tons of bad drama, bad dialogue, and the opportunity to hear Michaelangelo say, "Ew! He's in my nose! Oh, man, now he's in my mouth!" after inhaling the glittery ashes of a dead man. I think I pulled a muscle trying to stifle my own laughter.

Sadly, the guy who voices Splinter for the movie is now dead. This is tragic mostly because he was also the voice of Aku in Samurai Jack, one of the best cartoons of all time. Without Aku, the show cannot go on, and it is for that reason alone that I am out of tissues for the second time this semester. (I should invest my tax refund money in Kleenex stock. I'm pretty sure that I will be keeping them in business for many years to come.)

I guess my only hope for making it through this next week is to try out this whole Pythagorean picnicking idea with some cute guy on campus. More on this story as it unfolds . . .